


the unbelievable soberness alcohol can convey

by sarenacat



Category: Joseb - Fandom, Psycho Break - Fandom, Psychobreak - Fandom, The Evil Within
Genre: Drabble, Drunk love, Gay, Joseb - Freeform, Joseph Oda - Freeform, Love, M/M, Sebastian Castellanos - Freeform, joseph oda x sebastian castellanos, joseph x sebastian - Freeform, sebastian castellanos x joseph oda, sebastian x joseph
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-29
Updated: 2017-04-29
Packaged: 2018-10-25 07:13:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10759350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarenacat/pseuds/sarenacat
Summary: Hey. I'm on half a bottle of vodka. I can understand how Sebastian feels. But, I also love Joseb. Please read this. It's short.





	the unbelievable soberness alcohol can convey

Sebastian sipped his last drop of whiskey. Blissfully, perhaps. Maybe painfully. The glass rang with an awful thud as he heavily forced it against the wooden surface of his desk. The papers no longer made sense. He didn't want it to make sense. He wanted it to go away. Not feel. 

Sebastian wanted to be numb. 

He laid further into his chair and turned chin up, a breathless, tired sigh leaving his dry lips. He closed his eyes. Stopped seeing reality. No feelings. Just numbness. Numbness and the inability to repress repressed emotion.

He cried. Wet, salty tears departed from his clasped eyelids as he embraced this wonderful openness. Ironic, almost. Alcohol. You drink it to avoid feeling, but, instead, feel everything. All the stabbing, throbbing pain. The forgotten, forbidden memories of the fateful day his daughter was brought hopefully into this ugly, disgusting world. The way Myra's skin felt against his own when Lily was sleeping, whenever there was a break in their regretfully occupied lives. The heat of the fire that burned down his home.  
The fire that forever marked his inability to protect. To provide safety. The one thing he had fucking dedicated his life to. Wasted, all in one day. How incompetent. How fusile. How shitty existence had to be. He remembered it all too well suddenly. The heat of the flames. The heat of his own shame. 

How useless.

Still, he sobbed. This way, he didn't have to understand. Come to terms with how weak he really was. 

Nothing felt real. 

He opened his eyes. Everything seemed to blur as he attempted to study the papers on his desk. Was it a case? Myra's final request? Did it matter? What time was it?  
He took a glance over to the digital clock placed carefully on the corner of his desk. A gift from Joseph (no doubt a gentle reminder of his now constant tardiness). Numbers glowed almost translucently. Surreally. What color were they again? 

Sebastian tried laboriously to focus on the characters.  
6:03am? 8:06? 3:08? What did it really matter. 

Sebastian wishfully pulled the empty bottle of cheap bourbon to his mouth. Dry. Not a drop. He anxiously lowered it out of sight at the sound of an unanticipated appearance, halting every tear in its track. 

"Joseph?"

The light shone caused a glint against the glasses of the dark-haired figure. His features appeared surprise to hear his own name gasped in bewilderment. 

"Sebastian? What are you doing here? It's three in the morning!"

Ah. So it WAS 3:08am (or, at least, he hoped A.M.). Not the latest Sebastian had stayed. And Sebastian suspected Joseph expected his attendance this early, this late, time is just a concept.  
Sebastian noticed the unmistakable concern in Joseph's face as he eyed him in...pity maybe? Empathy? Affection?

Love?

Sebastian shoved such a thought out of his mind, a skill he found he was capable of even in the advanced stages of drunkeness. How gross would it be to imagine? To want to feel Joseph's love? To feel his skin? To feel his...

Mmmmmfuck. 

"Hey, Seb? Do you want a ride home?" Joseph's caring expression met Sebastian's own rough, though incredibly readable exterior as he held his gloved hand in selfless assistance. Sebastian could almost chuckle, if he wasn't trapped in the excruciating suffering of not being sober, that magnificent wiring of the fantasy that came with being drunk. Would he even be able to recall this in minutes? Hours? Days? But instead of chuckling, he returned to his pathetic reality of depression and vulnerability. And he hopelessly wailed Joseph's name. 

Again and again and again and again an-

"Don't leave me don't leave me don't leave me don't leave me don't leave m-"

He felt the warmth of Joseph as he held him close. 

The warmth of Joseph and ---- Sebastian smiled for the first time in a long time ---- his love.  
Love. What a funny idea. It could be the most powerful of emotions. Love was the thing that kept Sebastian searching for Lily's murderer. For Myra's kidnapper. Love is insurpassable. It, in all its everliving glory, gives hope, gives a reason for avoiding clinical suicide, yet it also comes with the burden of caring and openness. An opportuny of vengeful competence. Revenge.  
He couldn't think of it now, as it surrounded his presence. Joseph's heat kept him sane. Not only now, but every, fucking, day. He was too proud to admit it but,

He couldn't live without him. 

Even hotter than the heat of Joseph's arms was the wetness of his lips as he tenderly bought them to Sebastian's forehead. It was something that occurred often, and, though Sebastian took a mental note, he would never, ever realize the next day, though Joseph desperately desired he would. Through such a simple kiss, Sebastian felt the want, the sympathy, the sincerity of such a mundane kiss.  
Joseph loved him. Joseph loves Sebastian Castellanos. 

The devotion of such a kind act increased the amount of emotion that left Sebastian's hazel, lifeless eyes. He continued crying. His previous tears of forlorn, despairing expression became happiness, flowing just as speedily, as genuinely. 

And he lifted Joseph's face and passionately kissed him back. Lips locking lips. Nose meeting nose. Love inviting love.  
It was a feeling Sebastian forbid when soberness inhabited his utterance, his unavailing appearance. He kissed Joseph back, with the same insurmountable passion.  
He noticed Joseph close his eyes in...what? Satisfaction? Enjoyment? Complete and absolute love?

Sebastian could have shuttered. 

But he guessed that's what the alcohol did to you.

Because, and Joseph knew this with desolation, melancholy,  
Sebastian would forget this soon.

**Author's Note:**

> hey i'm sorry if there's any like, mistakes, but i am extremely not sober. also, joseph and sebastian love each other. wow i am drunk. Update: i cannot walk and i am watching seinfeld reruns. actually, i own the entire series. please be friends with me i have none.
> 
> Update 2 (the more important one): rereading this sober i can finally understand the redundancy of my horrible writing. i could edit it, but i think my previous intoxication gives it a bit of charm. i mean, i WAS on like 400mL of vodka. no joke. the bottle's right here. writing fanfiction was suddenly the best way to express my own angst. gotta say, i know why sebastian turned to drinking.
> 
> anyways, thanks for reading!


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